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I AM THAT I AM

Please be patient with my ramble. Meridian comes through at the end.

I found a fascinating and powerful meditation on YouTube by Wayne Dyer with music by James Twyman called “The Most Powerful Meditation You Can Do!” The music is the sound frequency of the name of God, I AM THAT I AM, and you mentally or aloud chant that mantra, basically claiming your own divinity and alignment with God or Source energy. What I know of the basic Christian idea of God has never been relatable for me. It’s too broad or too cheesy – too prone to human fallacy.

I’ve been doing the I AM meditations every day for a couple of weeks now. I’m very curious to know, what is I AM THAT I AM? What is this God Being represented here? It’s occurred to me that maybe there is some Creator Being, an ideal of love, fulfillment, compassion and ingenuity that cares about us and how we’re doing but It Itself is a smaller component of the Infinite All – the unlimited and all-inclusive everything and nothing – the Great Mystery.

I would like to know this God who may be forgotten or maligned or who may have abandoned humanity as a lost cause. What am I aligning to when I vibrate I AM THAT I AM? Who holds the experience of wishes and desires fulfilled? Of all “good” and “right” things coming to pass? Of life thriving in joy and abundance? Is that real? Because I’ve never heard of any part of human history that didn’t include pain, loss, war, brutality, corruption and suffering. As far as I can tell, we are the most violent and destructive species on the planet. Perhaps also the most heroic and compassionate but it seems to take tragedy to bring out the best in us. What is that about? I can always fall back on, “Oh, we’re still learning how to succeed at being human.” but isn’t it possible there are some major design flaws in the human species?

I have experienced “God.” I’ve felt the presence, power, force and energy of God but who and what IS S/HE? The divine and perfect human Spirit? The ideal and perfection that we seek to experience and express? Did God create this world and us so that S/HE could inhabit a physical realm? Feel, touch, see, hear and taste? Have humans hidden the Truth of God under all the images they’ve wanted God to be? A humble self-sacrificer; a fair and impartial judge and jury; a strict and sometimes angry father; a loving mother; a hateful, vengeful destroyer; a blood-thirsty warrior; a healing comfort; a loving grace, merciful and forgiving; a deliverer of punishment and reward…? All the names and faces of God…

Is God a neutral energy upon which we project an image or identity of what we will God into being in our lives and in ourselves? Or, is God a conscious Being, independent of our opinions, stories and beliefs but who can play into our opinions, stories and beliefs? Where do our opinions, stories and beliefs (OSBs) come from? Chicken and the egg: our experiences create our OSBs and our OSBs create our experiences. So, it stands to reason that our power lies in choosing our OSBs because we can’t always choose our experiences, at least not consciously.

OK… but WHAT  and WHO is God? A circle? A spiral? An inventive Creator in a God garage? A craftsman/woman and an alchemist? Does God care about us? Is God guiding us according to a “plan”? Or, are we careening ourselves out of existence? Or, is that the plan? People seem to be moving in one of two directions–self-destruction or “higher” consciousness. Perhaps the human spectrum of experience doesn’t just end for the body and that’s it. Maybe the ends of the human bandwidth melt into lower frequency consciousness on one end and higher frequency consciousness (angels, ascended masters, other forms of existence?) on the other. If someone’s consciousness goes lower (caused by extreme trauma, addictions, violence, etc.), the body degrades and eventually self-destructs, but if the consciousness heightens, the body releases physical form as its energy ascends, which, technically, is also a self-destruction.

OK, but WHAT IS GOD??? Is there a God or is there “just the way things are”? I’ve gotten to know and trust my spirits, my team, my allies and helpers but I don’t think they are “God.” I think there is a distinction between God and Source, Universe, Love, Great Mystery… God is a conscious being with an agenda. And, I think God’s great desire is to know the Bliss, Beauty and Ecstasy of Itself. It is a selfish God, or self-absorbed rather, but not in a bad way. God is Him/Herself asking “Who am I?”, “What am I?” We and this world are providing the answers. Well, fuck, God, there’s a lot of what you are not, happening here. What are you going to do about it? How much contrast and duality (kindness vs. violence, joy vs. misery, etc.) do you need to figure yourself out?

God, or every good thing you think God is will not force Her/Himself upon you. S/He comes by invitation. You may have been born with certain aspects of God intact: excellent health, strong body, beauty, intelligence, a kind, loving, open and compassionate heart. You may be creative, artistic, musically talented, a do-right character… but you likely aren’t “gifted” with all of the above. You may need to work harder to embody God in some ways. Even with the inherent “gifts,” if you do not allow the Spirit of God or God-consciousness into your consciousness, those gifts will never be as awesome as they could be and they may even cause harm because they’ll likely be abused by the ego. Prayer, meditation, spiritual practices and disciplines that cleanse and purify the mind, body and soul – laughter, delight, pure joy, unconditional love, faith and trust – are how you invite God to live in and through you.

Just like banks and the government say they will never contact you for your personal info – you must provide it appropriately of your own free will; that’s a God policy. Scammers who want to take from you and possibly control your identity are like the lies you believe about yourself, God and others that embed in the ego-mind which tries to run the show. It is too limited and dysfunctional to do it very well though, so things eventually end up in chaos. That’s why people remember God in the trenches, on their deathbed or in extreme hardship. The lies have exposed themselves and been proven false. Illusions. Brittle shells of pretend God. Bits and pieces of God are everywhere and exist in everybody but to fully experience God, you must invite HER/HIM in and be wise and rigorous enough to discern the real God from inflated ego energy. 

God wealth and abundance are generous, inclusive and expansive. God love and relationships are uplifting, supportive and nourishing. God strength and power are constructive, productive, harmonious and protective. God beauty is kind, gracious and inspiring. God intelligence is honest, understanding, patient and serves the good of all. God play is delightful, innocent, creative and refreshing.

God is everything that supports, uplifts, nourishes and serves the good of all.